Goodbye beauty and into the Darkness

Artist:  “How would you describe this painting?”

Viewer: “I like it, but it’s so dark.  Sort of bumming me out.”

Artist:  “Really? You think it’s dark?

“Dr. Royal” 2013, by Lala Drona

 

I have dedicated my entire life to creating art.  Spanning from paintings, to video, to performance art, to short fiction.  I believe that creating from the most personal, connects most universally.  However, words in the form of viewer-comments hover over my creations, descriptors like “suffering,” “painful,” and “dark.”

The funny thing is, I’ve always been embarrassed of my dark side showing, although it is the natural way I create.  I feel like I seem weak, too self-pitying or self-indulgent; I’m ruining your good time.  During the creative process, my mind and hand have made a pact to tone down the darkness, to try and make it more digestible through bright colors, or balanced/symmetrical design which is pleasing to the eye.

 

I look at my pieces now with suspicion.  My themes are dark, and most embody suffering, because that has been my reality.  The decision to aesthetically express darkness and suffering in a way that is pleasing to the eye

“Beautiful on the Inside” 2017, by Lala Drona

plays the role of propaganda and glamourizes a perpetual cycle of suffering.  It packages hard truths in a cruelty-free, sterile and overly-inspected product—something impersonal and all too easy for the mind to take in and forget, trauma-free.

The truth is, as a woman with my specific experience, I believe that I’ve expressed my darkness through the scope of beauty because I felt that this was the only way my experience had value.  I am beautiful, therefore I am.  Gaining and being rejected access to resources has been heavily based on my outward appearance and presentation ([un]attractive; woman), and has infiltrated the most sacred parts of my being, and now I’ve been creating from it.  The societal pressures to be “polite,” “make sure everyone’s having a good time,” and “keep it light” have only served to silence my voice and my art has suffered because of it.  I am aesthetically pleasing to them.  I am beautiful, therefore I am theirs.

“Moyen No. 1” 2015 by Lala Drona

                  Confronting the darkness within, a darkness I believe we all have access to, and then unabashedly expressing it, is one of my greatest fears.  However, I have always believed that if something scares you, it is a sign that you are going in the right direction, so you must do it.  The darkness in my work seems to always peek through, and now its time to confront it and accept it fully.  To approach its truth.

 

“Doom and Destiny” 2017, by Lala Drona

I fear that I’ll lose a handle on reality when diving into the darkness and chaos.  I fear what I will discover, what doors I may open or whether I’ll be able to return from the madness.  However, I must reconcile this within myself, and so here today, I pledge to create something brazenly dark.  No protection, and no filters that make the message more digestible.

I will release myself from the external motivators, from the viewer-comments and the male-gaze.  I will neither be nice nor polite, and I definitely will not “keep it light.”  I will create something “ugly,” and I will make the viewer

“The First Follower” 2018, by Lala Drona

accompany me into the darkness.  Because We still exist without the mask of their “beauty.”  I will create something that aesthetically matches and communicates its message.  I will communicate truth.

Yes, I am beautiful, but I am not theirs.

 

See Lala Drona at her next exhibition in Paris at Galerie Art’et Miss in Paris, France– Sept. 8th 6pm-8pm.